Jz staring at d pc screen...U! u kickstart n jam my 1 nerve!! ANGER!!! Urgh! Frm da very 1st day i knew hw to figure out right frm wrong..I hated dat day!! When i ♥-ed drawing...I draw day n nite..Yea, i noe its too much. Bt im showing HW MUCH i ♥ it!! Den u took it away...It was hard, bt i knew i had other intrests in me...So i survived n moved on.
I went frm drawing to playin pc..Again i play frm day to nite..U hated it! So u locked it! FOR YEARS!! I had to BEGG u like an outsider n a slave!! U made me begg u, my sis, my aunt, my cou...I begg every1. Any1 who knew d pass, i begg dem wit all my heart...
When i lost my intrests in it...I started readin story books..Den i started to read frm day til nite..Books after books...U hated it! So u stop me frm buying books...U didnt knew hw much each time u stop me frm my passion in a thing HURTS!!! U didnt knew!! I gave u wad u wanted...And when u were sick of it my habit, u threw it in da THRASH...DANG!!! Jz like tat! So simple! U threw it away n ask me to move on to da next thing...
Den i move on to music n dancing....I watched n search for dance move n latest music according to my intrests....I learn it all on my own...Den u scolded n nag me coz u hated it! U say its STREET STUFF..yEA! n it ANNOYS u....Well, Ofcuz its street stuff!! Bt u look down on da street!! Music n dancing is my only way of expressing myself...U dont und it no matter hw many times i tell u!! So frm there...I had less intrests in it ...
I started to talked n mix less around at home..I jz isolate myself frm u all...Coz i reali gt ntg to say towards u guys....So its jz me n my hp...Den i started chatting n smsing wit frens frm day till nite...Coz i was jz spending my time wit dem...I jz couldnt find DA TIME wit u all....I couldnt...When i did tat...U hated it coz it was too much! Ofcoz everything i do is jz TOO MUCH FOR U ALL!!
Den since i couldnt stand things at home were...I started going out...I go out to hang out..Jz to get away frm all d annoying arguements n pain....U hated d way i was acting...Well, HELL YEAH! U SHOULD!! Bt sry to say...Wad's done is DONE!! Den d 1 n only last thing i had wit me....My small tiny fren n companion....MY HANDPHONE!!! U took it!! Nw im left wit ntg!!
N u tell me to WAD??? U TELL ME TO GO DRAW,READ STORY BOOK, DANCE n study+dicipline myself again!!! WTF!! U made me hate those stuff n gave up those....den its U again tellin me to do it again, n get scoldin frm u agian??? U noe...each time u took those away frm me, a BIG *PANG* of hurt hits n cuts my heart....It hurts coz u DIDNT UND D REASON I DID THOSE TO DA EXTREME....I did those coz it my ONLY WAY of expressing myself...Is it so WRONG for u?? I dont tell out to u all coz i couldnt feel dat u would und....So i had to find other ways...Bt u block all my ways...Aihs...Hw much it hurts i wont tell...Bt u can imagine if u noe...
U didnt noe when was d time i was in serious depression...Coz, i taught myself hw to witstand all d pain n sadness tat could turn me to MPH....I didnt wana end up there even i knew i was seriously sad n needed counseling...I taught myself hw to b strong n learned hw to hide all feelings n taught myself hw to fake it....I can fake it a WHOLE DAMN LOT good infront of u o any1...Even if im feeling SUPER angry n wanted to kill, i learned hw to control my temper...Bt u keep increasing those pain n anger wit d very SINGLE word u said each time u took away my intrests n hope...U alwayz say STUDY!!! GO STUDY!! U drill tat word in my head....Whenever i thnk of it...It hurts n givs me headache...Makes me wana kill n release all those years of anger+sadness...Bt im still holding all those bak...Afraid of revealin da monster in me....
Coz i dunlike to hurt any1...So im holding it all bak...Pretend things infront of u all, n still surviving...Its very difficult for me to do tis...Bt i take it as a challenge n keep going...I neva rebel bak..Coz i noe, God hates n dun wan it to happen...So i brainwash my own memory each time d hurt n pain appears...Which makes me kinda very forgetful nw...Its bcuz i dun wana rmbr those memories....So i wash it all away...
Im still in da state of depression...Bt im pretending im nt mentaly sick...So i laugh...Coz laughter can cure sickness like these...Aihs..I wish i was living either wit frens o on my own...U take all i eve wanted n told me to study...Nw i started studying everyday n yet u still nag me in da brain EVERY SINGLE DAY wit da word study!!! Isnt it enough i gave up all to make u happy?? Each time u take those away its like takin a SOUL frm me....Nw i feel so empty...Cried till i was sick of crying...There's ntg i wana do....I dun wana fight bak...Let me turn myself into a robot slowly....I guess it d only 4 me n please u....
I wonder if u read tis...Wad will u thnk n respond? Will u still lecture me bak o realize hw i feel?? U alwayz support d wrong stuff...Stuff i reali wished u would take part n support me, u jz didnt.....Coz u seriuosly dun und me....90% of Parents olways dun und their kids...Coz kids dun reveal demselves to dem...Coz dey made kids go through crazy ways...I thought dey knew hw to handle US, KIDS...
Evrynite i wish i could jz sleep n neva wake up...Stuck in my dreams n sleep....Dats d bez...I wouldnt nid to worry o thnk so much...
Even i go to skol...My frens nag me to study...Aihs...i dun blame u guys...Bt im lazy in skol coz at home im rajin...I jz nid a break..In skol is where i find my freedom n break....So tat i could go home n suffer again...
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