Haix...so sad...so hurt...my heart edi so pain...n did u hv to make things in my life even worst?! My heart like being shot by U!! So hurt...n nw i feel so lifeless....
Each time i beg u...it hurts me...eventhough i think u cant feel it...but still it hurts me ALOT!! I juz cant tell u how i feel..so sry..coz i juz dont wana make u worry n hurt 2...Infront of u..n everytime u scold me or say things tat U think it's ok...( but actuali it reali hurts me ) in response i juz laugh n pretend like i didnt care bout wad u say n acted so inmature so tat u wouldnt hv to care for me...coz i juz felt like i dont deserve u..n i alwayz had to put on a MASK...n act like as if ntg happen...even when i felt like cryin my heart out...n release every single sadness n thing tat i've kept so long in my heart...n it's so full n yet i compress it all n add more sadness n every hurtful thing u said...i alwayz had to hold my tears back when times were hurting...n SMILE SO WIDE while tat isnt my real face d isnt d real me...
I noe to u i'm a very VERY inmature,"tidak apa" attitude,useless,not clever,alwayz do things half way,never serious,rude person,a lier,a hacker,a very bad person n stuff...BUT, did u ever stop to listen n think for once?? Did u ever think tat WETHER are those facial expressions n attitude REAL??? I guess u neva did once...I guess my acting is SO REAL to u la...i noe i do say things when i'm angry...but actuali i'm NOT angry...i was neva angry at u...i was juz FRUSTRATED...n i duno how to release it tat y i tersilap say some words...but I NEVA EVER IN MY LIFE I MEAN IT!!! U alwayz say i bring preassure n stress n nw u hv high blood preassure...i guess it's also my fault...i reali duno how to repay all those things i've did to u...mayb i shouldnt exist...i juz hurt u more n more each time n each day...i juz cant find any reason of me being here...i aint smart,aint gurlish,aint gd in sports...nw i'm juz a fool...tryin to make myself think everything's all right...haix...
I could turn back time...i've alwayz felt like tryin to prove u wrong of watever bad stuff u think of me...but whenever i did somthing gd...u n u all alwayz JUZ say I'M PRETENDING N I HV A MOTIF when i do gd....Y???!!! I neva even mean it!! U noe bcuz of tis sentence i've decided to hide tis feelin frm u foreve...coz i felt like i could neva turn back!! No matter wat i did...i juz cant gain ur trust...for i've broken it many times...i'm sry...i noe it's my fault...Onli GOD unds me....i smile all d time so tat u wont think tat i'm sad...but sometimes at night i cry like a baby or a sissy...i wished i could make u proud..so tat u wont to worry bout me or watever thing...but i alwayz fail at it...my heart aches everytime i hear u mention 'those' sentences n words...it alwayz rings in my heart n mind...i'm trying my bez ok??!! U juz cant c it coz i wouldnt let u c!! I juz think i dont hv any chance to earn any trust or hope frm u anymore....mayb i should juz let it all end tis way...end in a way which to u i'm a bad,rude,lier,didnt care for u at all,hacker,evil,neva respect u n stuff.....
Mayb tis is d end....yea mayb...n i dont blame u...i juz blame myself for EVERY SINGLE THING...
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